Nothing Personal, It's Just Business.

09/26/2007

For a few years now, I have frequently found myself in a productively repetitive conversation with a good friend of mine. He is a bit younger than I am, and often seeks my advice about his eventual career choice. I enjoy the conversations and in exchange, I have benefited from his advice to me regarding my personal life.

It seems, that while talking, we find ourselves drawing parallels to our opposing strengths. For me that's business, for him, it's the ladies.

During one of these conversations I realized that these two topics are actually the same thing. Discovered through the fact that although he possesses all of the skills, confidence and awareness one needs to secure a date, at times he doubts his ability to get and maintain a job. Of course the attributes he so successfully utilizes to get those dates are commonly required to also get and maintain jobs out in the real world. Why does he doubt himself?

I blame society.

He was raised to answer the same unanswerable question I was - what do you want to do with the rest of your life?

What a crock question.

The very tone of the question implies an irrational irreversibility that simply doesn't hold water in the real world. People change jobs all the time. In fact the average 32 year old American has already switched jobs 9 times. With all that job changing, inevitably there are going to be a few adjustments to the career path.

Hardly a one way street.

Why, then, do we ask young people to make a decision that will seemingly impact the rest of their life from that point on?

Again, let's blame society.

I remember at a young age going through my personal life like that. Assuming that there was one, and only one, person out there for me. Tranquility found in a pair of x chromosomes I guess. I was so sure that if I met someone, and it didn't work out, I'd spend the rest of my life alone. A morbid train of thought, I now realize to be untrue.

I never had such misconceptions or expectations from my career. I've adapted, grown, learned and reengineered myself to extend my career in ways I couldn't have possibly thought of in high school or college.

For example, I'm an excellent interviewer. I always have been. It doesn't matter if it's one person or an entire panel interviewing me, I hit the mark. I enter the room with the right amount of confidence and - despite the obvious tone of this sentence - completely devoid of arrogance.

While interviewing, I look for that one person in the room who's not connecting to what I'm saying, and provoke the connection. I won't rest until it happens. A quick quip, or self-deprecating story? No problem. Whatever it takes. I want to communicate. It's how I save the world and get jobs all at the same time.

I hardly find myself nervous for such engagements. And yet, there was a time that I couldn't say the same about my personal life. I used to spend way too much effort over-thinking dates and matters of a personal nature - just ask my friend.

Then a few things happened.

One was a string of horrifically bad dates, that I now find to be absolutely hilarious. They are not to be shared through this forum, however if you ever see me in person, ask me to tell you about the towel lady or the sprinter girl, both great stories of legendary lore, I assure you. But I digress.

The second, and more relevant, thing that happened was an awareness. An awakening to the idea I've been talking about... There is no personal life. There is no professional life. There is only my life.

I know that sounds like a positioning statement for the under-confidently-aware over-thinkers of the world, but it's not. It's a theory. My theory, and yes I do have a collection of those. But again I find myself digressing.

Many people draw comparisons between the personal and professional aspects of their lives, but rarely are they called the same thing. And even more rare is an attempt to approach them both utilizing the same strategies. I've found that if you can determine which one you excel at, then those lessons learned in one apply to the other.

For example, an interview - well, that's a date isn't it? The same rules apply. You're extending yourself, communicating the positive parts of your personality, perhaps bloating them - if that's your game. It's a flirtation here, a demonstration of your emotional confidence there, an aspiration, played out, in the form of a question and answer session.

In both realms, desperation has no room. If detected by the other party, the mission is failed. There's no way to talk yourself out of such a debunked attempt. Give up and go home.

Timing plays a significant role in the negotiation of our new relationships as well. Are they looking for someone right now? Do they already have someone they've committed to? I guess you'll have to ask. Regardless, I'm sure they'll be flattered.

For some the grass is always greener. They'll never stop jumping from commitment to commitment. While others struggle to find their place in this strange world. Perhaps both are seeking to have their relationships become the sole definition of who they really are. They see themselves as bankers, lawyers and policemen long before they would look at themselves as Julie's, Tim's and Tom's.

And what of the ex? there's almost always a person leaving a job you're getting hired for. A castaway, standing outside the office building with the boom box over their head. Positioned desperately and plainly in sight of all, as the music bellows from the blown speakers. How awkward for everyone involved.

Infatuation sets in, now that the job is yours. Isn't your office great! One couldn't possibly find an inferiority in this place. It's perfect. The dream conceived, sought and acquired. It couldn't possibly be drawn or drab or anything bad. And then - for some - it becomes just that.

An attitude adjustment is needed. It's realized that hard work and commitment will have to be employed to ensure the longevity of this relationship. The foundation of which draws strength from such things as honesty, integrity, loyalty, mutual respect, communication and let's not forget punctuality.

For some, the story ends there. The necessary adjustments made, they go on living happy lives, unaware of the turmoil which plagues the person in the adjacent cubical. For others, they wake up one day and find themselves questioning how they got where they so obviously are, unhappy. A change is needed.

And then of course, if you find yourself discontent, you must prepare yourself for the eventuality of leaving your job. The "It's not you, it's me...." conversation you'll have to have with your boss... as they sit there, broken-hearted because they now realize that for the past three months you've been out looking for another job behind their back. Shame. Guilt. Betrayal.

These relationships between work and business draw so many relative comparisons, I doubt I could mention them all. And I trust you already have the point.

Perhaps we're all just playing in one big game of legos. We find ourselves connecting with the other pieces, but - after the connection - does the resulting shape make anything meaningful? If not detach and move on, I'm sure there's another piece for you out there.

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