Drama

02/06/2008

In a recent conversation, a friend described me as someone who is bored by the mere observation of a car wreck, and instead prefers to entertain himself by occupying one of the crashing cars. I guess I cannot deny the accusation, since over the last few months I've become pretty good friends with drama.

Drama seems to be following me around town lately... hanging out in her (yes her) dull green parka. Showing up at bars, grocery stores and even the recent run in at the public parking garage (enjoy your new bumper Joy).

It's not that I particularly like the aftermath of drama. In fact, I emphatically dislike what typically follows such situations. So it seems logical to say that I'm drawn to the dramatic moment itself. I know we're taught to avoid such situations, but the control freak part of my personality just doesn't let me do that. It's somewhat of a self-defeatist mentality to actually seek out drama, I recognize that and so I don't make it a practice to do so. But then I do.

My recent kinship with Drama presented itself to me one day while I was walking into Best Buy. Minding my own business, the stage was set for Drama to make an impromptu appearance.

"Take your hands off her!" An undeniably loud voice said.

Stopping in my tracks, I looked over to see it all unfold. A women was yelling at her husband. He was leaning into the backseat of the car, probably attempting to strangle his child. After being provoked by his wife to discontinue, he removed himself from the car. He began to ritualize his manhood by motioning to hit her. After she flinched in fear, he continued to yell and thrash about in a complete rage.

He turned his anger towards the trunk of the car. He started pounding it over and over with his fists. Angered, he was blinded to the fact that their baby was in a car seat placed on the trunk he was currently using to outlet his frustration. The pounding caused the car seat to rattle about. I wouldn't go so far to say it was in danger of falling off, but at the time that really didn't seem like something worth risking. Seeing this, the wife began to move towards the baby. In a heated reaction, he motioned for her to keep her distance. She complied.

And there she was, like disco lemonade... Drama.

Now I could continue into the store, minding my own business or I could interject myself into the drama. Hmmm, what to do? The general consensus of the parking lot was to look away and move on. And I suppose, to be completely honest, I was leaning towards that option as well. After all, I have enough drama in my life already, right? Well, perhaps I've been reading too many Thich Nhat Hanh books lately because without further contemplation, I began to alter my course to intercept.

When interjecting yourself into drama that doesn't belong to you, it's best to take on an authoritative persona. Usually this involves a faster-than-normal pace of motion, perhaps an extended hand, with a pointing finger in recognition of your directional intent to engage the situation.

While doing this, I would recommend against attempting to communicate the finer points of your reasoning to engage the situation... a simple "Hey!" will do. If you're wearing a long coat with buttons, like I was, unbutton the coat. This signals that you're freeing up your arms for some potential swinging. Keep the gloves on unless you're wearing a pair of fuzzy mittens... Mittens send the wrong signal, quickly cast those to the ground as you continue your approach.

Keep your eyes on the prize, don't look away. There should be no question, you're coming in. Also, when you arrive and engage the drama, don't feel the need to explain the reasoning for your presence. It's completely obvious to everyone within sight that you're one of those people who can't keep their nose out of other people's business. Just role with it. You're there to correct a situation, not to win the hearts and minds of the passive onlookers. Keep it all in perspective as you convince yourself that you're capable of handling this situation.

Now what happened next was a simple lesson in physics. What happens when a 5' 11", 160 pound Web Developer (me), attempts to forcefully engage a 6' 4", 295 pound, angered, wife-beater? Yup, the web geek ends up on the ground. No amount of momentum will overcome the mass. I know I've done the math, and now I had the real world test to confirm my findings.

Picking myself up, Drama had the audacity to mention in an innocent tone, "Don't look at me... I thought you could take him too." Ouch.

I am sure this reads more dramatic then the actual situation was, because the altercation played out more like a grade school recess shoving match than anything else. A few seconds later, I was up, the baby was off the trunk and Ike Turner was starting to calm down. After I got up, I moved back into a position to pull him aside. And I did the thing I always do, I tried to talk-down a dramatic situation which I had no business being involved in. But hey, what did I have to do on a Saturday anyway?

Ashamed, he quickly became an alternate, and calmer, version of himself. He apologized for knocking me down. He apologized to his wife and his daughter for loosing his temper. He recoiled because a stranger (me) saw how ridiculous he was acting.

During the discussion that followed, I came to a realization. This man wasn't a bad person. This wasn't the battle between good and evil played out in the parking lot. Drama has a way of making things appear larger than they actually are. This situation was about a man, taken to the edge of his patience. He didn't want to hurt anyone, although his actions clearly put him in a position where that was possible. When asked, he wasn't even sure what originally angered him. Before we concluded our business, he remarked "I guess I just got caught up in all the drama."

It has been said that we, as humans, contain within ourselves all of the foreseeable good and evil in the world. We posses the ability to interject, influence and inspire to the benefit or detriment of those around us. We might find the need to dedicate ourselves to the pursuit of balancing these juxtaposed forces within us. Or we may passively, and ignorantly, allow them to take root as they see fit. It is the dichotomy of our humanity.

We shouldn't deny the existence of drama, it cannot be ignored. Instead, recognize it, smile at it, and decide for yourself. What should I do here? Avoid or engage, it's up to you. But if you should so choose to engage, be sure to protect yourself from the flaring arms of Drama. Sometimes it has a way of appearing to be larger than it is, but all to often it's a sweaty overbearing force with a mean left hook that will tactfully knock you on your ass.

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