Express Yourself

10/09/2007

I was feeling particularly glum one morning. It was one of those days where you wake up in a bad mood. I didn't sleep well the night before and I knew that, although it was Friday, my work week would likely extend into the weekend.

Work has been great, and certainly not a reason for me to complain, still sometimes owning your own company can take its toll. And this was one of those days I just couldn't get into the swing of things.

Realizing that I wasn't going to get any work done, I decided to run a few errands. I had my $100 gift certificate to spend at the Apple store for buying my iPhone so I headed over to the West Towne mall. Buying something from Apple always makes me feel better. What can I say, I am a consumer junkie. Still, there wasn't anything I actually needed. My plan was to just browse around and find something to commit the credit towards.

While in the mall I was headed to the Apple store and decided to take a quick detour into the Express store. Being an admitted metro, sometimes a new pair of jeans or a fitted shirt is just the boost I need. I own about 42 pairs of jeans.

As I stood there contemplating my return into the world of hoodies, an elderly lady approached me. She stood about 4'9" tall and politely asked me to help her take down an item so that she might be able to see how much it cost. Abliging her, I reached for the unobtainable sweater and presented the price tag to her.

Before examining it, she asked "Do you work here?" I said "no, but I'd be happy to help you."

My first job was in retail, where I learned a valuable lesson. Never consider yourself too important to serve someone else. Having recently read Bill Clinton's book "Giving" the Martin Luther King Jr. quote was still in my memory: "Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve."

Upon seeing the price of the sweater she recoiled. I could tell she was a bit out of her price range. She was also out of her element, as she seemed quite overwhelmed by the activity of the mall.

Discouraged, I could tell I was going to lose the sale, I asked her what she was looking for. She confided that she was shopping for her grandson. She said she wanted to buy him something to cheer him up. Then she abruptly stopped herself from describing any further details. It was obvious there was more to the story. Out of respect, I changed the subject. I showed her a few other items, all of which were not quite what she was looking for.

It seemed that with every suggested item she revealed more details about her grandson, until finally the shocker. "Well, he was shot..."

Again, I found myself refraining from a response.

Sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate a sense of calm to such shockingly stated things. Doing so showed her I that I'm not judging her and anything she says won't send me running. I'm telling her it's okay to open up. She gauged my response, and quickly moved to the table of pants pointing to one pair. "How about that?"

"No" I said, those would be difficult to take on and off, "where was he shot?" I passively asked.

"In the chest." she said, obviously surprised at the turn the conversation had taken.

"Yeah, let's get him something comfortable to wear. Maybe a zip up sweater. Again the hoodie beckons.

"He shot himself", she said clarifying her earlier statement, and then abruptly stopped herself again. "I can't believe I'm telling you this, I'm so sorry young man, I didn't mean to tell you all my problems, please forgive me."

The idea now entered my mind. She was at the mall for the same reason I was, we were both seeking solace in the accompaniment of strangers. Of course I was just bummed, she had a deeper reason for being there. She wanted to help her grandson in the only way she knew how. This was her extension of a message to him, get well, be happy.

Sometimes we can't speak those words to the ones we love, we're afraid or perhaps too proud to humble ourselves in such ways. We know that the words won't match the feelings we have. And so, we refrain from saying anything at all. This was her story. She didn't have to say it to me, I knew from the moment she mentioned that she was buying a gift for her grandson.

A flood of details poured from her, which I won't share. But it was clear to me, she needed to communicate it to someone. She began to cry. She took a tissue that she kept in her purse and quickly blotted away the tears. She took a deep breath and collected herself.

I put my arm around her, perhaps a bit too early for a hug, I thought.

Never underestimate the communication of touch. Respect it, use it sparingly and appropriately when providing comfort to others. Sometimes we need to realize that there are no words which can adequately communicate the message. A touch says it best.

We sat there for a moment, at the Express Store. The employees and other patrons completely unaware of the drama, which at the moment resided within the store.

A few seconds of silence past. We both looked up to find ourselves right where we started, by the hoodies. Nope, I thought, still doesn't do anything for me...

I looked over at my new friend and an idea hit me. "Do you have time for another stop?" I said.

"Yes, I'd like that very much, I don't think I can afford anything in here anyway." She said in an agreeable tone.

Now completely projecting the original state I found her, she walked with me in confidence to our next destination - the Apple store. Upon arriving at the store, she paused before entering. Concerned, perhaps, at crossing the threshold into a world she had traditionally avoided. She looked down at the line in the floor where the mall ended and the store began. Clutching her purse, she turned her focus to the next few steps she took into the store.

"This store is different." she remarked.

Who says marketing doesn't work, I thought.

Without saying anything I found the nearest Apple employee and purchased an iPod Nano. I used my $100 certificate, so it wasn't full price or anything. The Apple guy checked me out practically before she could completely process her surroundings.

I gave her the iPod and told her that with this he can listen to music and watch movies or a TV shows while he recuporates. I then asked her to tell her grandson that I hope he stays with us and that I hope he realizes through this experience that he is needed and wanted.

I know that might sound like an odd thing to say, but it wasn't really a message to him at all, it was to her. And so I spoke in a way that she might speak to ensure the sentiment was understood.

"Thank you young man." She said.

"No problem, I am happy..." - I almost stopped there, as it dawned on me how true it was to say that, but I continued to speak, reverting my words to the original intention by adding, "... to help out."

"Thank you for listening." She paused and started to walk away. Before leaving me in the store, she turned around and said "Pray a Hail Marry for me."

"I will." I said.

Now, in case you didn't know this about me, I'm what they call a lapsed Catholic. I've gone to private Catholic schools my entire life, yet I'm not religious at all. I don't go to church like my parents. But, that's not to say that I don't have a respect for it either - I do. I just don't live it in the ways other people might. So it shouldn't surprise you that I didn't see this as a sign from God that our paths crossed that day in the mall.

Connections are powerful. I don't question the source of that power, I merely recognize it.

As it should happen, I do know that prayer by heart, and after leaving the mall, I kept my promise.

I walked away from that experience reaffirming a life-long lesson. There are always other people out there with bigger problems than you. Never forget that.

Sometimes we're so worried about guarding our feelings that we bottle them up for fear that releasing them, might make us seem crazy, weak, or inappropriate. Then we find ourselves confiding in strangers because they don't know who we are. It seems less threatening. Odd, that we don't feel able to confide in our friends and family in such ways sometimes.

This lady wasn't crazy, you probably passed by her in the mall and didn't give her a second thought. The signs weren't obvious that she needed help. But she did. Sometimes we're so consumed by our own problems we neglect to look to the needs of the other people around us.

Be observant.

We talk a lot about success. Obtaining money, a sense of leadership, or confidence. Stockpiling such things within ourselves is useless and empty. All these things are meant to be given, not exclusively obtained for our own benefit. I'm not telling you to give it all up and go live in a hut somewhere, remember I'm the guy with 42 pairs of jeans. Enjoy what you have, but also enjoy what you can give.

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