Pessimism Mixed With Optimism

08/13/2007

As an adult, I often look back on my childhood, in remembrance of the pivotal moments in my life. I find myself entertained by the very situations that, at the time, I occupied all of my focus and attention towards. As it is often said, things seemed bigger when you were younger. I find it important to remember such revelations when my adult problems seem equally insurmountable.

Growing up I was often faced with a prominence of uncertainty within my daily life. On more than one occasion, I questioned what type of person I would shape myself into becoming during those formable years. Looking back, somehow I was under the impression that my inner makeup was not determined by me, rather by some unknown and outside force. As if one could wake up and horns would pop out of their head, leading to a life of evil deeds and debauchery. Such was my misconception at the time, however.

While in High School, I remember finding myself partially resenting my classmates because they seemed so put together and certain of who they were, while I seemed to struggle to find myself. At the time, we were all being asked what we wanted to do with our lives. Those of us without the answer did our best to avoid being asked the question. As if the answer would somehow be found in the murkiness of ambiguity. Still, it was a time of definition and exploration in my life. And the moments where these fragments of the future compiled themselves into who I am today.

I distinctly remember one such day in high school. Our teacher informed us that we were going to perform an experiment. Odd, since it was a religion class, but I digress. The teacher brought out a glass and held it up for everyone to see. Grinning, he placed the glass on an empty desk in the front row of the class room. The glass, still in view of everyone, was promptly accompanied with a pitcher of water. Without saying anything, he began to pour the water into the glass. As he did so, he took a quick peak at the class, as if to inquire about our reaction to this seemingly simple demonstration he had concocted.

After a short time, he stopped pouring so that there was an equal amount of emptiness and occupied space within the glass.

He then asked, what is this?

To which, a defining silence was responded.

"Look closely!" He said enthusiastically while he motioned as if the very look on his face would provide the missing link towards understanding.

He followed his over-egagerated response with a moment of silence. Clearly he hadn't thought this through, as evident by his now puzzled and partially frustrated face. He began scanning the room, looking for a student who understood what he was trying to do, which remained a mystery to me and my fellow classmates.

Finally breaking the tension, he said with a disappointed tone, "When you saw this glass of water, did you say to yourself it's half full, or half empty?"

Finally the silence was broken and a collective sigh was had by everyone in the room. The student who broke the silence sparked a discussion about her thoughts on the glass, to which I will not go into.

As the discussion extended, my teacher went on to explain, "Pessimists see things as they aren't, optimists see things as they want them to be.... Which are you?"

Abruptly, he concluded the experiment, as he often did, to continue his lecture. Periodically, throughout the class, he reminded us of the glass. Frequently pointing to it as it sat there, half something, beading with condensation in the un-airconditioned room.

The inflection contained within his discussion drove me to conclude this was more of an accusation then an inquisition. Towards the end of the class, a worry came over me. My reaction wasn't properly measured, what if I was a pessimist? How could I tell? It's clear that pessimism is a bad thing, how does a person catch it?

Obviously these questions needed to be answered, and more obviously, this experiment needed to to be replicated - in a controlled environment, without the silliness and theatrics provided by my teacher.

After I arrived at home, I realized I had all I needed to properly perform this experiment in a more resulting way. Carefully selecting a glass from the kitchen cabinet, I filled it with the prescribed amount water. I was careful to remove any drips of water from the outside of the glass, as not to taint my response. I placed the glass in my bathroom, where I knew it would remain undisturbed until I was ready to take a reading.

My plan was to somehow forget about the glass by leaving the bathroom for a period of time. I would only return to the bathroom once I was removed from the prejudiced bias that had resulted in an ambiguous response earlier that day. Finally, I would record my response more accurately so I could put this issue to rest once and for all.

A few hours later, I casually reminded myself to not think about the glass and its contents.

A few hours after that it was bed time. I arrived at the bathroom door. A brief rush of excitement hit me just before I reached to open the door, clearly, my plan to forget the glass hadn't worked. Oh well, I thought to myself, it's too late now, I'm going ahead as planed.

I peaked my head slowly around the opening door. I decided that it would be best to close my eyes and position myself as close to the glass as possible. Then, at a deciding moment, I would open my eyes and gauge the response accordingly. Whatever my first true thought was, would immediately clarify my level of pessimism or optimism.

My eyes opened as a rush of wonderment overcame me. I locked in on to the glass and studied it methodically, my mind was empty. I continued to look it over, glancing at the water level several times for the answer. Then it hit me, my first and truest thought arrived... The glass is not half full, the glass is not half empty, the glass... is a glass.

Immediately confusion, partnered with frustration, sat in. I was reminded of my teacher - who earlier that day put me on this course. I then attempted to ignore my initial reaction and force the thought that the glass was half full. Yes, I said to myself, clearly that is what I meant to think... but honesty took me back to my original thought. I saw the glass simply as a container, and completely ignored the water level all together.

Obviously I wasn't ready to define myself as either a pessimist or an optimist. I poured the water out of the glass and went to bed.

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